This morning I weighed 167. Now, my dads scale is an older scale that has the dial that goes up to the number when you step on it. It’s always been a little weird but has also always been within. Few pounds of accuracy.
So I’m holding off to reaffirm it with another scale before I hysterically cry
From happiness.
Earlier, i was sitting in the basement smoking a cigarette and talking to my dad about my shitty life right now.
And he goes, “You get way too attached to these people and you can’t handle it when they let you down.”
So beyond true. How do I deal with this? I don’t know how. I’ve never lost my entire life like this.
God, it’s so easy during the day and when I’m surrounded by people. Even then it’s hard, but when I’m alone, especially at night about to go to bed, it’s so much worse.
I’m just sitting here crying and ranting because I have to get it out and I don’t want to write it out in my journal.
My heart hurts.
I’m so tired of being the one so attached, so dedicated, I’ll do anything. Literally.
And why does no one, lover, friend, anything, ever seem to feel the same except maybe three people in my whole life?
Am I not worth it? It that what it is? Am I just so utterly not worth it that I’m not worth fighting for?
I guess so.
My Netflix isn’t working either so my plan to smoke and watch some SVU is now shot to shit because I’m fucking broke.
Life:37289472485724
Me: 0
But I just find that I don’t want to. For the same reasons I deactivated my Facebook personally. It’s none of most of their business anyhow and I don’t want it just out there. And I need a place to rant without having people that are too close see it. People I don’t really want to talk to. Like my fucking grandfather. Oh Cassie what about school you were doing so wel what happened is this about your EX?! Almost exactly like that. Hes always like that, very condescending and assumptions and judgements. I didn’t even respond I just went and immediately deactivated it again. I should have never deactivated it. Debating whether I should text him and be like FYI I’m still goin to school and already have another job lined up its not y fucking fault that my boyfriend broke up with me and kicked me out and my ex boss is a dick. Ugh and now I have to go to school. Can’t wait for Friday.
Yesterday was one of the most
Amazing days of my life.
Today is my price.
Dinner::
Tofu, banana peppers, mushrooms, cauliflower, broccoli, and sugar snap peas with soy sauce.
I am so proud of myself. This tastes fantastic. And it’s healthy.
For dessert:: Mango, kiwi, apple, strawberry and banana fruit salad with this dark chocolate peanut butter spread I found that’s all natural.
:D
